Tuesday, December 24, 2024

27 things pt.1


I have finally reached a point where my younger self would consider myself old. I thought I would be married by this time and I thought I was giving myself too much grace already because this was my mom's age when she had me, and I am already the third child hahaha. Guess what, can't see that happening any time soon yet.


I still feel 22-- "happy, free, confused, and lonely in the best way". Yep, it's "miserable and magical". (Haha Taylor Swift's always relatable.) I am thrilled of what's in store for me in the next years, but I would also like to look back and reflect on 27 things I've learned and realized at this age. I decided to make a photo diary instead because I am inspired by kuya Geloy's photographs and Abbey Sy's photo journals (but actually, I'm running out of vocabulary).

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1st - living in an answered prayer

Whenever I find myself feeling bleak or comparing my timeline to others, I remind myself of this truth: I am living in my answered prayers. Minsan di pa nagsi-sink in. Has it truly been 12 months since I packed up my life and moved to bustling Manila?

My life has done a complete 180—from teacher to student. I’ve never felt so young and old at the same time. I have the energy, time, and money (just enough to enjoy the moment)-- praise God! I know this is not going to be like this forever, so for now, carpe diem.

2nd - timing is everything

When I first visited IAO last January, I arrived in the middle of the rainy season. For an entire week, there was only one hour of sunlight and clear skies. I didn’t let that hour go to waste—I finally tried surfing!


Surfing taught me an unforgettable lesson: timing is everything. The ocean demands decisiveness. A single moment of hesitation or doubt can throw you off balance. Just like in life, it’s all about catching the wave at the right moment and having the courage to rise when it’s time.


3rd - love's never lost 

I know there are times we find ourselves thinking about lost time, lost efforts, and lost love. But as Taylor Swift wisely said, “Love’s never lost when perspective is earned.” It’s a reminder that even in loss, there’s something to be gained—a deeper understanding, a clearer perspective, a chance to grow. 



4th - going home feels different now

It first felt different on January 1, when I had to leave home right after the New Year to return to Manila for an exam on January 2. That was when it hit me—this was going to be my new reality: constantly going back and forth.


You go home and find your old room has been turned into a storage space, with dusty clothes and cluttered shelves. You go home and realize your old clothes no longer fit or match your style now. You go home and learn your beloved dog has passed away, and your parents waited weeks to tell you so it wouldn’t distract you from your studies.


You go home and see so much has changed... or maybe it’s you who has changed the most.


You go home, only to leave again.


5th - i am where i am supposed to be


As what Ted Mosby had said, "on any day, you could step out the front door, and your whole life could change forever. You see the Universe has a plan kids; and that plan is always in motion."

Bittersweet it may be, but leaving my hometown was probably one of the best decisions I've made. I've yet to see many things unfold but the best thing that happened is the person I am right now. I did not know how much change I was capable of and how much growth I could still experience until I made the decision to leave. Ahhhh, cue in Taylor Swift's happiness, "you haven't met the new me yet".




6th - wait

I never had a problem with waiting. As a person with many hobbies, I can entertain myself (read a book, catch up with Duolingo, listen to music, etc.) while waiting. Not until you realize you're racing with time. Not until you realize you're getting old and everybody is grabbing what they can-- fame, prestige, riches-- just to survive. Not until you realize the train will not wait for anyone and will pass by when it has to. Insecurity sets in.

I felt this during the time we had to look for a thesis adviser. It felt like a race choosing an adviser who could help you conduct your thesis abroad. That was every graduate student's dream. I remember I had to keep that desire to myself, because I've seen that... the train's packed already. I had to step back and see I was still far from the next in line.

And I've learned that stepping back is fine. Waiting is fine. My circumstances still turned out fine. I'll just wait for the next train ride. :)


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7th - hold on

They say that hope is a foolish thing. Then I guess, I'd rather be a fool than not hope. 

Chaos is bound to happen in this world-- that's already predestined by the 2nd law of thermodynamics. Reality means there are hardships, heartbreaks, climate change, wars, and fights. Hope is believing there's a beautiful ending to all of this, that there's light at the end of the tunnel. If hope is what we need to take the next step in the dark, we take every version of hope we have to get closer to the light, even if we don't live long enough to see it.

My hope's anchored in Jesus Christ-- the One who saw that if going through all those persecutions would mean our salvation from this world, then He would willingly take up the cross. And the hope is not in His death but the overcoming it. To leave this hopeless world in the hopes of having an eternal home free of heartaches, then, to hope in Jesus is not a foolish thing.

8th - i am so much more

I am so happy I've tried running. I've never been athletic in my whole life-- not counting those times I've played patintero every afternoon way back in elementary. I'm competitive when it comes to playing team sports but running is different because the one you're competing with is... uhm, yourself? Finishing two kilometers before was a hard task for me already. I can't imagine I'm doing 5k or more now.

Looking back, there are many times I've given up. I have countless Day 1s. Yet running has taught me that there's no endurance when there's no perseverance, and the countless Day 1s can lead to the 1 Day I can finish a marathon. 

All that matters is that I show up.

9th - God sends help

Life is a journey not meant to be taken alone. And I really thank the Lord for sending me people in every season I am in. Like every season talaga. From my highschool barkada, college blockmates, colleagues in DepEd, classmates in graduate school, roommates in Manila. Yes, people come and go but how the Lord has strategically put these people in the right place at the right time is beyond me. I can't imagine where I am right now without the help and company of these people. 

I am never self-made. I am every bit of these people. And if one day, I'll wander again, I know God will send help.

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Yey! Finally launched this photodiary. I was so excited to post this weeks ago pa, but life got in the way. And December has been so busy?! All I want is to take my time, sit down, and do my passion projects. I've shared 9 things, 18 more to go. Crazy. I was planning to share all of it in one go, but I realized that would take me a long time to finish. Crazy to think I could do it, I'm not even a legit writer. 

Here's to taking things more slowly and steadily. No rush in posting all of it, self. Haha it's the Christmas eve! May your heart be glad and peaceful towards the end of the year. Let's finish the year soft. <3


P.S. To my dear reader, what is one thing you've learned this year?
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