Currently at a cafe somewhere in New Manila. I am just killing the time before I am going to watch Tabing-Ilog Musical. This is the first time that I have decided to do something alone. I have watched a couple of theater acts this year because of my brother-- it was always his treat when he include me in his shenanigans. (I have yet to write a post on Hamilton!)

I realized that most of the time lately, I have only tried new things because other people had invited me, included me in the event, I had someone to go with, but not from my own plans and decisions. I think so far, I was afraid to do new things alone. 

It's now December. This year had surely gone by so fast, but unlike 2022, I think I like 2023 better. 

For one, looking back where I was three years ago, I am now in a place I did not know and could not imagine I'll be in one day. I remember professing in college that I was never going to take up Master's Degree-- fair enough, I was burnt out from studying before that's why I said that, char. But here I am. Having been a public school teacher for three years seemed such a faraway reality now. I feel like I am truly living my life just lately. I am rewriting my goals again. I am starting to dream new dreams once again.

I feel like I am truly living my life just lately. 

I've noticed that I usually write things down when I feel like crying or when things just get so heavy. So what is making me want to cry lately?

I feel old. Hahahaha. I wish I have done something more during the pandemic years. I feel like I have wasted a lot of time just because I took the easier route that time-- to be a public school teacher and have a good pay, all the while, rendering my service obligation. I did tell myself before to make use of the pandemic for such time was a season to learn new things while waiting-- but what I did was just learn Han-geul haha. My classmates and friends meanwhile were going out of their comfort zones, they were here in Manila earlier than everybody to find jobs. Three years later, they flourished in the work they've chosen, they've earned lots of growth and potential, and had been in a better place than three years ago.

I feel like I am starting from day one, and I am already old. I am still starting to hustle, and I do not have enough savings to start with, I feel so far from achieving my career goals and I wonder when will I or will I ever accomplish them. If only I could turn back time. At this age, I feel like I do not have the luxury of time to make mistakes anymore. I'm not 23 anymore. If I make a mistake in my career path now, I might realize it then when I turn 30. 

I want to cry. I know I felt all of this while looking at other people's lives. But I really I wish I knew better.

And maybe that's why I like 2023 better. At least, I'm finally moving on from what was holding me back. It took some courage and a leap of faith, but at least, I am now at a different place than I was 5 months ago. It really is good to go away from our hometown and grow and see what the world has to offer. I may be late, but I guess I am not yet too late. I am just starting. 

Still afraid but at least, and I guess, I am now one step ahead.

And truly, my comfort zone was tested here. My room now is extra small and has no air conditioning unit. I had to share a home with 7 girls-- luckily, our place had 4 bathrooms/comfort rooms, common area for studying, and shared lavatory. But it's nothing like my own room. I was also tested by how far the places are-- there's a lot of hiking because either it's too near to ride a jeep/motortaxi for, but too far to walk for. I miss driving with my car where I can go anywhere I want to, but I don't dream driving in this place-- just look at that immense traffic. 

While I really enjoy exploring new places before, I just don't have that energy here since if you want to go to a certain place, you have to at least have 2 arduous rides before you can arrive at your destination. Unless you're willing to shed some 200+ php for a Grab ride at a just 1-3km distance. Already explored different modes of transportation here-- jeep, bus, MRT, motortaxi, trike, e-jeep. I had funny experiences on each one hahaha hay nako ang hirap talaga ng commute dito, ang mahal pa.

So far, I am learning a lot in my Masters. I think I've appreciated going to school more now that I'm in Masters than when I was in my undergrad. The teachers here at UP Diliman are sooo intelligent and kind, especially my major teachers. I think I have more favorite teachers here than in my college, peace out. I am really humbled as a teacher. If these people have humility and patience to students like us who are already *mature* enough, how much more us who are teaching to younger students. I like that everything we studied, we were emphasized of its importance and practical applications that's why we are taking our studies with much more importance also. If only my teachers in the undergrad have translated their knowledge with that kind of passion also, I would've loved my course better. 

Wish me luck and pray with me in my master's degree journey! Huhu I am anxious once in a while if I'll be able to finish this on time. God willing!

I found good friends here. I am lucky enough that I have Jonnah with me in this Master's journey, but we're extra blessed with two girls from Mindanao plus they also live near from our dormitory! It's nice to have extra people who will also check out on us. Indeed, the more the merrier. The burden's lighter now. We are all adjusting in this new phase of our lives, but at least we're finding pieces of our homes with each other.

I am also thankful for our manghuds from MSU-IIT! They are a bunch of kind and intelligent people who are very helpful to us haha may we all finish Master's successfully soon! 

 

And yep, probably the best part of this place is that I have easy access to the best events. Haha I don't have to buy a plane ticket anymore to go to concerts and events I want to be present in! I just need money for to concert/gig tickets haha. Just went to Kodaline concert last September 14!!! with my Kuya, Jap, and friends we coincidentally met during the concert! <3 I also go out with my friends once in a while, but yup, just rarely because everybody's busy and it's very expensive to meet and eat out here!

I just also went to my first theater experience here in Manila! Thanks to my Kuya for making it possible for me to go to #TheLastFiveYears which is starred by Gab Pangilinan and Myke Salomon and directed by Topper Fabregas. I am really a fan of theater acts and I am happy that I have finally arrived in this status where watching it is at my reach now.

Captured by Ashley / ashleysolitude.blogspot.com

I have finished my service obligation of three years to the country. 

I haven't written a blogpost about my work as a teacher ever since I was in DepEd in 2020. Many wondrous things have happened yet I failed to write one about it here. Probably it's because of how full my workloads were that I could not slow down and take time to put those thoughts into writing.

Now, before I embark another rollercoaster ride, I will enjoy this waiting season by reflecting the good things that happened in my 3 years as a teacher. It was a journey I am truly thankful for, and I have no regrets of taking that job 3 years ago.

Maybe I am just really lucky that I was assigned to Tomas Cabili National High School. I got in during the pandemic and it was just me and our principal who were in the school because everybody were working from home. Luckily, my first "boss" was my former teacher in elementary, whom I am close with because she's also my coach in a math competition before. Usually, newbie teachers tend to be overlooked because they still have to earn the trust and respect of their colleagues during their stay, thus they are given the harder tasks so that they'll learn something from it. My experience was different: I was raised to a certain pedestal that I was excellent because I am an engineer, and that I achieved many things, that is why I was given the harder tasks because they trusted me that I can deliver. The start was really hard hahaha all the pressure I felt gave me anxiety-- there was even a time I despised waking up early and going to work. But it truly helped me become a better person and I had a glimpse how the work is like in the government employee.

Nevertheless, the 3-year journey in DepEd had given me so much experience that I will surely give credit for the person I am today. Even though it was a place I never thought I would be part of, I still love the roles I was entrusted with during my stay: being a homeroom adviser, a STEM teacher, a research coordinator, a research teacher/panel reactor, graduation host, graphics/visual design graduation committee, etc. 

There are so many things I will miss. I've posted it on my work Facebook account: 

More than anything else, I am honored to be part of the lives of my students. They are truly the reason why I found my passion which is to teach. In my service, I realized how privileged I am for experiencing good and quality education all my life. I am also blessed with a loving family that supported me throughout my education-- which is a privilege not everybody has, especially my students in the public school.

I thank the Lord that He has let me seen this reality and moved me to work in the place He has entrusted me. I strived my best to be a good teacher, extending my services beyond the working hours, sharing my finances to those who are in need, and just being there when they need help. I do not know if I had done a good job, but that's why I truly appreciate the words of thanks more of my students than the words of praise of my colleagues. 

Last day to wear my uniform

 Hey, it's been more than two years since I last updated this blog.  Lots of things had happened and has been going on, I just can't really find time to gather my thoughts and post it in the blog. The perfectionist in me had procrastinated so much already. (OMG I just realized now, how could there be procrastination in perfectionism? Is there a connection? I will probably ponder about this in another blogpost haha.)

But hey, what's so hard about a life lately post? 

  

I am in my last school year in DepEd as a teacher in Tomas Cabili National High School, and savoring every moment with my students and colleagues. Here are my very responsible and fun students of Grade 12-STEM. They made it easier to be their homeroom adviser. <3

I still keep my friends close-- especially those who matter. My main gurls, my highschool friends, my frenChEps. (I would also like to include here my main Dgroup gurls-- Cha, Chiqui, Megan-- but I can't find pics.) And adults as we are, we hardly have time to see each other as we go on with our daily lives, and yet we kept in touch once in a while. Thankful for these bonds.

I've also met new people. I have been attending CCF Sunday Service and B1G Fridays/Saturdays and I have encountered amazing people. I was included in a new Dgroup by Ate Gee and met good people there. I could not count with my hands how many people, whose lives are touched by Jesus Christ, I've already been inspired on. I've been with these people for only a few moments yet they treated me like we've known each other for a long time. This really amazes me.

Now, every week, I try my best to join GLC classes every Tuesday, B1G Fridays/Saturdays, Dgroup sessions, and Sunday Service. I am also getting back to my daily devotionals and Bible reading which I had put into pause in last two years. The Lord is faithful, still.

   

Personal check: my family is still in tact, praise God. My two brothers are placed in stable jobs. My parents are still healthy. And me, currently the driver of the family, I am just trying to get by everyday, wondering what the future holds. Here's a recent selfie of mine.

Ah, right! I have an update-- sadly, I gave up drinking coffee everyday because I experienced hyperacidity. It was a habit I liked so much and continued for 3 years but I was able to let it go. 

Oh, life's ebb and flows. 

Only God's love is constant-- I am forever grateful.