It's around 2 AM when I started to do devotional I had put off the night before. This should be a week of Prayer & Fasting but not until Day 5 of prayer did I feel the presence of the Holy Spirit in me. I had not fed it well for a lot of days (or months) already and lately, I was really struggling in keeping myself awake while praying. Since Day 1 of Prayer & Fasting, I was not successful in finishing the Prayer Watch every night during CCF's livestream. Either I was too sleepy or I already fell asleep.
Not until today, at this ungodly hour.
Exhibit A: exception to the "Nothing ever good happens after 2AM".
I longed to feel this spark of faith in me for months already. I was idle in my spiritual growth and my spirit is so weak. But God is faithful to me. He never gave up on me despite my forgetfulness, laziness, unbelief.
I feel so blessed right now. I never thought I could finish the Prayer Watch. Yes, I finished it. Days ago, praying feels like forever. I've felt the spark to disciple again and realized how the Lord God had put me in a great position to influence. I am a teacher! How did I not ponder on this before? This now moves me to do better in my work and to always ask how I can train these children to the ways of the Lord. It feels so refreshing to have found my purpose.
My purpose in Him.
As the Pastor was ending the Prayer Watch with a prayer, he said something about how we should seek God so that we will find Him. This reminded me how this verse was so true in my life. One time, I sought God even though I've not really understood the importance of Jesus Christ. I found a church that helped me grow, found people to be with in this journey in knowing Him, strived to expand my knowledge about His Word, and eventually, found the Word, Jesus Christ Himself, felt and understood His presence. My life's turning point was in that just one mundane morning.
That's why 'Seek Me and You will find Me' verse speaks so much volume to me. As I was ending my prayer, I decided that this verse is going to be my life verse. Days ago, my colleague asked me what my life verse is and I told him that I'm still looking for it. Now, I have a verse to share to him. After praying, as I was turning to my browser to search what verse was it, lo and behold, there were tears in my eyes because I didn't have to search it anymore. It was in front of me.
It's today's verse of the day. 😭🙏
He is with me in this prayer time. He found me. I sought Him and I found Him. I feel so blessed!!! And I will not stop feeling blessed.
I have spent many days with emptiness in my heart, no fire in my soul to do the things I once am fired up to do. Indeed, no one fills this heart of mine than You do.
In the end, it is only by His grace that I still constantly seek Him. It is important to point out that if He were not faithful to me, I would not have come to seek Him. He first found me.
This is my testimony. ❤
"Seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart." ~ Jeremiah 29:13
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