For the past days, I had a constant struggle of being positive and to still trust God even in hard times. My heart was filled with doubts and worries about our thesis and not graduating on time. This was because even our thesis adviser do not encourage or comfort us regarding our status in thesis. He was so negative about us and he wasn’t even helping us finishing it, and even threatened us that we will not graduate this June. Last week was really hard for us, for me that I cried every night. I did even ask the Lord if he was angry with me because I feel like it has been us against the world always.
Our minds were filled with questions like, “Why are we given with an adviser like him?”, “Why are the other groups doing okay with their topics and their adviser?”. Why am I always put in this place? Why does it always need for us to experience the hard way?
Indeed, it was hard to be patient while suffering. It’s hard to still find joy amidst the pain. I was really trying my best to stop my negative thoughts and to have certainty and peace in my heart. While other groups could claim that they will be graduating this June, my heart aches saying that it’s hard to claim it when nothing is even working for us.
But you know, I did not stop looking for hope in Him. I still did my best hoping that things will eventually turn around. I am so thankful for Gorl, for even cheering me up when in fact we are in the same situation.
But I know God is there. Here. It’s just it’s so hard to look at him. Mura ko ug nanluod bitaw? I am like a child that is having tantrums just because I wasn’t given what I wanted. But still God is showing some signs to deliver me His message, that He is still the Father that wants the best for me.
“And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” ~Romans 5:5
God is still assuring me that His promises for me cannot fail because He is faithful to me, always. I have to believe that He can do the impossible for me, that no matter how little time is left for us to finish all of this, I just still have to trust Him. I think that’s why we have been losing in this fight before because it’s been “us” against the world. God was left out of the equation. It should be God and us against the world for God will fight with us against all the doubts, disappointments and fears.
I was really blessed during the Sunday service yesterday because the Gospel was entitled “Persevere. God is Unstoppable.” I was really touched and moved because MY GOD, AFTER ALL, IS NOT SILENT AMIDST ALL MY TROUBLES. MY GOD IS LISTENING. HE IS MY COMFORTER. MY REDEEMER. MY SAVIOR. Indeed, He still caresses me with His love and mercy. I am forever grateful. He made me feel valuable and worthy even though I’ve been doubtful and had questioned Him.
Huhu the worship song goes,
“And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth.
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me.”
Now, our thesis is still thriving and I am positive that it will eventually work out. Thank you so much Lord for delivering the people that would help us conquer this challenge. I know there will be an end to these troubles. I just have to believe in You. No more doubts Lord. No more. I claim victory in Your Name. 😭❤️👆🏻
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